Update lifetime extended notif on second reply

Add an update from system server to system ui when a notification that
has already been lifetime extended has another direct reply. This
ensures a second direct reply appears in the UI, even if the app doesn't
update the notification (possibly because it thinks it's been cancelled
after the first direct reply).

Also moves the handling of the action click removal of lifetime
extension up in the processing. This is important because otherwise
removing the flag happens after the app has received the action, which
can prevent it from canceling the notification (if that's what the app
does in response to the action; applicable for "Mark as Read" and
similar.

Bug: 230652175
Test: atest NotificationManagerServiceTest.java, flash+build
Flag: ACONFIG android.app.lifetime_extension_refactor DEVELOPMENT
Change-Id: I000397bdfcc8a469f9f9b2365589e8237efc3640