libbinder_ndk: assert for known bad refcounting

- require instantiation of SharedRefBase
- try to detect race in SpAIBinder set

Bug: 112664205
Test: atest android.binder.cts
Test: manually cause crash by instantiating and deleting SharedRefbase

Change-Id: I0f5e23de5bd620274801ea7c7c1b9765f05c6de2